I’ve stopped speaking



6 thoughts on “I’ve stopped speaking

  1. Oh, Choncey. If only I could explain to you how much I connect with this, how I too have ‘stopped speaking’ (two years ago, then again six months ago), how sorry I am that you know how empty this feels. Social media can be great; I have to believe that, since it led me to you and others like you! But it can wound, too, and deeply.

    For the record, I think you are more than nice. You are considerate. You are compassionate. You are brave, intelligent, thoughtful.

    ‘Nice’ is reserved for those without fire. Your fire lights the room for others to see by. Your fire gives life.

    Stay true, Choncey.

  2. This blog made me so sad but I know the feeling of wondering why no one seems to like you. It’s awful and it’s hard to be nice when you aren’t. I’m only really nice to those I care about tbh and it’s only a very small group as there is something about me that seems to put people off bothering to try and know me.

    Don’t stop speaking or you’ll never find that small group who do like you for you 🙂 they are worth having.

    You seem great to me – don’t take mean blog comments too seriously. They don’t know you. X

  3. It’s an aspect of life that is always going to bring upset and frustration. We want other people to fall open to us, as easy as a book, with all their thoughts legibly printed inside. People will suddenly close up to you. Sometimes these people are the ones we thought would always be open to us, they have been there for us through our ugliest moments and yet we seem to turn our back for a second only to find they’ve clammed up in our brief absence and we’ll never really know why. I have a friend who I’ve known almost for eleven years, and it seemed to us that we would be present at the other’s most defining and landmark occasions. It seemed to happen in an instant. A party turned down for legitimate reasons, a text not responded to, an invite not extended, a wrong word said. Any of these things could have contributed to our drifting apart and I will never really know which of them set it off, which one put a visible crack in our friendship.
    The written word will never be read entirely in the tone in which it was intended. I am writing this really hoping it may make you feel better, with a lot of emotion and a very slow, small fist pump as I want to cheer you on and encourage you, but you may read this in a patronizing tone, someone being flippant or intrusive when it isn’t intended that way at all. You cannot always help the way your words shall be received, and if you read back your responses to people (both verbal and written) was there anything really in those words that was intended to harm someone? If not, you are not being a mean or bad person.
    Sometimes, it’s good to be silent. Tuck your words under your tongue just for you, live in your head and be by yourself. It’s healthy to an extent, but I hope you do not press your lips firmly together permanently. I think you have a lot to say, important things, and I think people would surely miss out if they never heard the brilliant contents of your mind.
    I hope you have a lovely day.

  4. I wish I could shake some sense into that blogger, what an inconsiderate thing to say! I don’t know how they got that, no such idea ever crossed my mind. I would like to encourage you to speak… But sometimes it’s okay not to if you feel like having some rest from speaking for a while. But you know what? You can gain strength through writing, and I promise I’ll read everything you’ve written that you decide to share, and will always want to discuss it in a respectful and kind manner.
    Lost of hugs, Choncey :*

  5. Oh please Choncey, don’t remain silent just to avoid poeple going away from your life. Have you considered that it’s also talking that brings people to you? Sometimes it’s just that people get so self-absorbed with their own life, or that they also feel inadequate and don’t know what to say, and sometimes it really is just because they’re mean, inconsiderate and ungrateful.
    Also, social psichology and social relations are so complex and comprise so many factors, that misunderstandings and misinterpretations are constant and almost inevitable. That’s why so many “professional public speakers” keeo on teaching people how to communicate effectively, while they also must face their share of misunderstandings.
    You are an intelligent young woman, with valid opinions and solid points of view on many aspects of reality and that can be watched in your videos. And many people value your opinions and find that they are so important and meaningful that they come back again and again. And if someday they don’t, then be it… it’s also part of life and, of course, it’s difficult to see those people go away, but you must not, cannot, stop speaking and be someone that is not true to who you really are because you know how that ends (I guess you know what I mean and that I don’t need to write it down and, believe me, I know for experience how that end too).
    I send you a virtual hug, and sincerely hope that you keep on being the lovely lady you already are, despite the many bumps in the social relations road.

  6. This hurts because this is me. I wish I could give you advice on this but I suffer from the same thing myself. I’ve often said I feel like a triangle trying to fit into a square shaped hole, I feel like I repel people with my presence and I don’t know why. I wonder if it’s because I exude ‘awkward’, or people have an ability to see through me and can zero-in on the sometimes deep-seated hatred I have for myself, and think “yeah, that’s justified”. When you’ve been through so many bad experiences it gets to the point where you analyse every small thing you said in great, horrifying detail. “Did that make sense? Did I smile enough? Could that in any way be construed as offensive and/or weird??” (Answer: usually yes when your brain is on overdrive 24/7). So it’s easier not to talk than to have that inner critic constantly chittering away at you. But being quiet and avoiding situations doesn’t solve the loneliness (then of course you try to make an effort again and the cycle of self-hatred continues). It’s a weird thing to explain to people who haven’t been through it themselves. It’s isolating and crippling and fuck, do I wish I had a solution for you.
    One thing that has brought me comfort, and this might sound weird, but look up “avoidant personality”, you may not relate to all of the points, but there are others that mirror these thoughts you’re having and it’s nice to feel like you’re not alone. I haven’t been diagnosed as such, although I see myself in a lot of it. Now that I’m aware of it I’m trying to be proactive in trying to change it. There are a few videos and links that have helped me immensely, let me know if you’d like them passed on.
    LONG POST. Wildly unhelpful I’d bet, but know that you’re not alone. It’s strange that I would discover your videos and blog (literally going through the same mental fuckery myself).
    Feel better soon, stay strong.

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