dear beloved

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My apologies for misspelling Toni

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4 thoughts on “dear beloved

  1. I commented with a Toni Morrison quote a couple of days ago but it seems you ignored it? I was really just wanting to say, subtly, that there are so many mistakes in this review you might want to consider a re-write. You obviously have a point of view about the book, but it’s not coming across that well. I hoped the quote would prompt you to re-read what you’ve written here and maybe realise it’s not how you want to be coming across. Just a few things I picked up on:

    * It’s repetitive not “repeatative”
    * Incorrect usage of the word “evoked”- “evoked nothing from me” should be “evoked nothing for me” though even that, while technically correct, is clumsy.
    * Similarly, you cannot be “denied” empathy as it is purely subjective- you “failed to empathise” or “were unable to empathise”
    * “The authenticity of the writer failed to permit me as reader” is nonsensical, perhaps due in part to a misunderstanding/ misuse of the word “permit?”- also more explanation needed of what it is about the “authenticity of the writer” (or do you mean narrator?) that was an issue for you.

    In summary, you really need to get to know the language you’re trying to use rather than papering over the cracks with an overly verbose and florid style. I understand you read a lot, but perhaps you could take the time to read more carefully, and observe how words are being used in varying contexts so that you can then use them correctly yourself.

    I hope you can take this on board as well meant criticism that will hopefully encourage you to think more carefully about your writing and speaking. I understand that you have had setbacks to your educational and personal development that have clearly left you behind your peers in many ways, but I too struggled with health problems and I want you to know that you can pull back your education, but only if you recognise that there needs to be improvement and don’t hide away from criticism.

    • We can all improve, I’m not denying that, but I disagree with the above comment in a fundamental way. Three of the points made are about specific word choice. I would disagree with both of you regarding use of ‘evoked’: I would write “evoked nothing in me”. The point I want to illustrate is that the beauty of language is that you can play with it to an extent. You make your own individual style. You didn’t use those specific words in a traditional way every time but your words communicated what you intended and they communicated them emphatically. They conveyed emotion, not simply a concept or idea. You have a distinctive style which is a combination of your wording and your visuals so, yes, allow it to grow and develop, but always own it and be proud of it because it is beautiful and unique. If someone doesn’t like your style, they can easily move along!

      • Agree with Charlie. There was nothing wrong with this review. The meaning and passion came across and that’s all that matters, perfect sucks. Perfect is boring. I didn’t read through the review cringing at the way you put things, it wasn’t jarring and it didn’t take me out of the flow of your writing. In fact I didn’t see anything wrong with it until I saw the above comment. Criticism is good, sure, but take away the criticism that you find useful… All I’m saying.

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